"Answers seem to elude my very being…what is the purpose of all these? I am a positive person believing that everything has a purpose…a reason for happening. All tribulations has its good cause… a lesson to learn… problem is an overbearing and heart-wrenching teacher but it brings about self-growth…and yet here I am in the midst of my own misery…asking fervently…what is the purpose of all these?
Have I lost my touch as age conquers me…or am I merely falling victim to the unpredictable surges of my hormones? People have written articles, numerous in fact, about therapeutic ways of healing oneself …I am guilty of reading almost all of it…and yet all it did was bring about a fleeting moment of relief…of recluse…answers seem to vanish with each turn of the page and by the time you lay the book aside…everything has been eradicated from one’s memory.
I have been scrutinizing myself for the past several weeks as if I am a spectator…a separate entity in my own journey to self-actualization… but all it did was create a vast black hole sucking the life out of me…
Am I the heroine who will conquer the world…leaving a legacy to be revered by my vast successors…will my name be uttered with immense veneration? Or will I live the life of a commoner…watching with envy as my dreams are fulfilled by another? I can feel the waves engulfing me with its enormous power…I am struggling to stay afloat… And yet the answer that will save me is within my heart…I know it all along…but why…oh dear God why…am I still searching when everything is now within reach…
I have been told that happiness is a state of mind…I have been making happiness the state of my mind for a very long time now…and yet here I am surrounded by my self-help books…still wallowing in anguish…”
I have written this in my journal several months ago when it felt like the world was on my shoulders…it was the 'Dark Ages' of my life…it was when all I could see was an unending tunnel of desolation! I thought it was the end of me… But indeed life is a cycle…for with each bleak event, a blaze of light will shine vibrantly to illuminate the way. Family and friends stepped up to the occasion and patiently motivated me out of my misery…but that is all they could do…motivate me.
I have learned that for one to be truly free from emotional pain one has to make the decision to end it, for only then could we muster the discipline and strength needed for healing. Acceptance plays a big part towards the road to recovery. We have to find comfort in the thought that each ordeal happened for a reason. Something vital must be learned in order to advance into a new level of existence…maturity! Remember, never allow anger to consume one’s heart, for it will only destroy you…not the person to which it was being projected on. Pain can be decapitating but I have learned that with an “action plan” we can actually gain control over pain, anger and fear. Writing is a powerful tool in combating confusing days and lonely nights. It tickles one's creativity and inspires masterpieces to be legendary. In other words, keeping yourself busy will surely eliminate any traces of negative emotions.
Most importantly, prayers did me wonder. I always thought miracles were for holy people…never would something as sacred would happen to a sinner like me. But God proved me wrong for He answered all my prayers…trusting in His love gave me peace for God does not forsake His children.
I guess the road to perfection is a labyrinth of tribulations…but the thought should never stop us from trying. We should raise ourselves with dignity after each fall. We should hold our heads high in spite of the pain…humble ourselves and accept our limitations…Never compromise our integrity and principles and always make an effort to make our lives a better one.
Life is matter of perspective. There are always two sides to the coin. Why burden yourself with negativity when you could use problems as a springboard towards a great accomplishment. Let tribulations empower you…not destroy the wonderful person within you
I have learned that that life is a rigid and twisted road…but armed with only my faith and courage I made my walk towards spring…and believe me…it is worth the winter...
